Today I went with a friend to buy a new bra at this specialty bra shop and decided to get one, too, while I was there. This little older lady told me to get undressed and had me turn in a circle while she furrowed her brow at my breasts. She then walked away, leaving the dressing room door wide open and returned with a bra that she physically put on me: “Lift the tissue from the side and let it fall into the cup like this.” She then complimented my newly cut bangs.

Dude, my boobs look photoshopped. And I was wearing the completely wrong size. It was such a surreal experience, but also really comfortable, like shopping with a mother I never had.